[story]
[transcript]
[about]
[audio]
[future]

[STAR COMMAND ARCHIVE JA307020]
(sealed under the terms of order #990-J25)

It is a time of relative peace. The wars of the 2900s were but a distant memory in the minds of the perpetually young elderly. Star Command had fallen into complacency once again. That was how former Captain James T. Caligula managed to overpower the defense systems of Starbase XY003 and make it his personal fortress of solitude -- and remote cloister for his two beautiful daughters. Time passed, and Captain Caligula's reputation for unadulterated evil spread throughout the entire Zed Sector -- for brutality, for cruelty -- for haute cuisine (But that's a different story). No ships passing near XY003 ever returned. Everyone knew that; and Star Command knew it was Caligula's doing.

But that didn't stop the Calrissian boys.

Bo and Luke had a famous father, and a famous habit of constantly being in trouble with the law. [Just the Good Ol' Boys] But everyone in the galaxy knew that there weren't two fellows you'd rather have on your side in a fight than the two Calrissian boys. Those boys, in their ship the Generally, were the secret pride of the Confederation -- although Star Command would never admit it. When they heard the distress signal beaming strong from the Zed Sector, not even their Uncle Jesse could stop them.

And so Bo and Luke set off in the Generally for the Zed Sector, knowing that they were headed towards Starbase XY003 -- knowing that Caligula waited (yet hoping his daughters were as nice as everyone said)!

They landed on a deserted pad and were immediately greeted by the two Caligula daughters, who pleaded with the boys to rescue them and take them away from their father and the unfriendly confines of Starbase XY003. [Two Girls is Better Than None]

The boys were so smitten by this desperate plea from two beautiful women that they straightaway began to serenade them with beautiful songs of love. [Biologically Impossible, Let Me Be Your Chachi]

This ruckus of singing and pleading and serenading would have woken the living granite of Stebnar-6, so it should have been no surprise that Captain James T. Caligula awoke from his cryotainment pod and captured the boys. Caligula was caught up in the mood, however, and he extemporaneously soliloquized on his hatred for humans, and especially for humans that don't like him. For sport, Caligula threw the boys into the basement, and told them that they would be devoured by his pet spaceworm. [Captain Caligula]

The boys, suitably chagrined, inexplicably undevoured, and understandably angry, sang their defiant protest song. [Love Song for Boba Fett]

Yet it was at this moment that Starbase XY003 apparently fell under attack by an as-yet-unknown alien race, who were angry because XY003 was in "their parking spot." They gave no warning or polite Galactic Property Order, but simply began to roast Starbase XY003 with their laser guns and a large quantity of mesquite. The aliens sang gleefully of their destruction as the boys bemoaned their cruel fate. We learn that Captain Caligula was decapitated -- what happened to his beautiful daughters is as yet unknown. [Down-home, Cosmic Earthling Barbecue]

The boys, cold and trapped in the basement of a dark and rapidly depressurizing Starbase XY003, sing their final swan song to the Caligula Sisters [Blackout On The Starbase].

What happened beyond that, out in the cold void of the mysterious Zed Sector, is anyone's guess.

[(c) 1997, 2001 Flynn Records. All Rights Reserved.]
Last Updated: 02.28.2001 by tobor@tastytronic.net